The Camouflage
As a rule it is quit difficult for boys to open themselves to other people. Because of that reason it is hard to be aware of their state of mind behind the mask. Therefore, they stay miserable and lag behind in their school results. A lot of the boys live with a mask of masculine bravado that covers the real self to adapt to our society's expectations. These boys feel that it is necessary to cut themselves off from any feelings that society educates them are unacceptable for men and boys like fear, uncertainty, feelings of loneliness and need. They think it is necessary to solve their problems alone without any help and support. A boy is not expected to stretch out – to his family, his friends, his advisers, or coaches – for help, comfort, understanding, and support.
And therefore he is simply not as close as he could be to the people who love him and desire to give him the human connections of love and caring every person needs. The problem for those of us who want to help is that, from the outside, the boy who is facing problems may seem smiling and resilient at the same time as he is having inside the feelings of being troubled, lonely, afraid, and desperate. Boys learn to put on the mask so skillfully that it can be difficult to notice what is actually going on inside them and therefore helping them becomes difficult. The problems underneath the surface become clear only when boys go "over the edge" and get into trouble at college, begin to fight with friends, take drugs or start drinking, are diagnosed with clinical depression, erupt into physical violence, or come home with a black eye.
Looking behind the Camouflage
There are lots of ways to realize a boy's deepest feelings and experience, to come to know who he really is, and to give him love and feel comfortable with his genuine self. Given below are the ways which will help you look behind the mask and discover the problems you son is undergoing and will give you a chance to help him.
Be caring and sensitive
Being a mother means that you should always be attentive. Search for those early signs of trouble. These signs take in everything from bad grades to rowdy behavior, from "seeming quiet" to obvious signs of depression, from using drugs or alcohol to becoming a perpetrator or victim of violence. Therefore become sensitive to the early symptoms of the masking of feelings.
Talk to him and understand him
In order to get behind the camouflage you have to learn a new method of talking with boys so that they don't feel afraid or ashamed to share their true feelings. Be patient to him, don't push him and don't be irritating. Be gentle and kind. He should see that he means a lot to you and that you are proud of him.
Give him time
Boys who share their feelings often take longer to do so than girls do. A girl might open up when asked the first time but boys will say no when tried the first time. We have to learn how to give the boy the time he needs and how to make out in his words and actions the signals that he is ready to talk. Ideally, he has to set the clock himself. He has to settle on how much time he needs to remain silent before opening up to share his feelings. If we learn to become sensitive and respect his emotions, it will make it easy for him to be honest about the feelings behind the mask.
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