 When little children get angry they lay on the floor and kick and scream. Naturally adults also get angry. In order to throw away the feeling of anger some of us go away to have a walk. Some of us shout at the person that is closest to us. Others undergo the activities that are self harming for us, for example over eating, drinking and even worse.
As you know, teens get angry too. You have probably heard such phrases “I can’t believe he is so angry over “that”. “That” means something that mom does not believe the teen should be angry about. But many of us probably have seen adult people throw temper tantrums in what it is thought are the oddest of places. For example, imagine adults scream at retail employees, or adults literally throw food in a restaurant. All these things mean we all get angry over different things. We all have different buttons that get pushed by different activities and we all have a various perspective on what has just happened.
Teens are the similar. Lots of us have seen their own kids get angry over unfairness in a classroom, over a friend saying or doing something they didn’t like. Besides, they even get angry at you and the decisions you make. Anger is normal. It is how we handle the anger that makes us who we are, and as parents, we do have the right to tell our kids that certain behaviors when angry are not acceptable.
For instance, it is not ok to slam doors, ever. It does not matter how angry you are, do not slam a door in a house. It is also never ok to hit another person. If you are feeling angry, the best way to cope with your anger is to take a walk, go swimming, hit a baseball, throw a basketball, or kick a ball. Direct the anger in a way that is not hurtful to another person and to yourself.
As a rule, teens refuse to talk to their parents when they are angry. This is ok. You should know that when they calm down and when the anger passes, they will come and tell you what had made them so upset. Sometimes that might be the next day, or sometimes it might be the next week. It is only when the anger is gone that you begin to see choices to solve whatever it is that brought on the anger in the first place. Anger can help lead you to decisions. Anger can help lead you to change.
You have to allow your teen to feel anger. In actual fact, it helps them grow. It helps them learn how to have control. It is very hard to not yell or slam a door. Having that control leads to increased self confidence in their own abilities. Being allowed to feel anger also helps teens learn how to solve the problems. It is a great skill to learn.
Next time your teen is angry, smile and drop several hints on how to get rid of some of the steam, but do let them know that it is quite ok to feel that way.
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