Almost all parents earlier or later hear from their teens the following phrases: “But mom, you smoked when you were my age, why I can’t do the same?” “You and Dad had sex before you got married, so why I can’t?”
As a rule parents reply to such questions in the following way “do as I say and not as I do”. Unfortunately this thing doesn’t work. Parents can use the other answer – “don’t start doing what I used to do”. You have to understand that there is a bit of a difference between being a hypocrite and trying to defend your children from a poor experience from your own childhood or teenage years. Can you really be measured a hypocrite if you have learned from your past and are no more doing what you used to do?
Due to definition, hypocrisy is the practice of claiming to have moral standards of beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform. You cannot be precisely labeled a hypocrite if the following is right:
You are honest about your actions in the past, and no longer act in opposition to the standard that you lay down. Even if you once committed an awful sin, or did something foolish that you wish you could take back, you cannot be labeled a hypocrite for the reason that you are not trying to claim that you are perfect and have never been there.
Honesty can really go a long way. If you don’t lie about who you are and what you have done, your trustworthiness will be much higher than if you make an effort to hide what you once did or pass judgment on others as if you are better than them. Your honesty about your experience with your children can get you closer together. They will be more likely to hear you out if you talk to them on their level instead of just forbidding them to do what you once did.
Tell your children about your experience you learned from the situation. You should be honest about your regrets, and affectionately explain to them your fears about them following in those particular footsteps of yours. Talk about what your alternatives where, and give them the opportunity to see for themselves that copying your course of action is not necessarily the best option for them. You might be astonished, some teenagers will think your regrets and settle on a course of action that puts them in a better position than you put yourself in back in the day.
If you are still doing things that you don’t want your children to do, there is a big decision to make. Are you going to set the example and quit doing what you are doing? Will you just keep warning about how terrible it is and try to get your teenager to believe you? Feigning to quit and hiding it will come back to trouble you, so don’t do that.
Correction of your actions and setting the example is the best thing you can do. If you truly love your children and you think that they would be making a huge mistake in copying what you are doing, cut it out! Sure, these things are easier said than done, but if you both have the same habits, you can agree to work together on improving. Hold each other accountable and it will bring you closer. You can better yourself and your children at the same time.
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