 Many parents know that their teens lie to them from time to time. They get angry feeling realizing this. Nevertheless, their children simply don’t admit it when caught. Most parents don’t know how to react. As a rule, teens believe if they protest their innocence for a long time, parents will begin to doubt themselves.
If you know exactly that your teen is lying, it is important to cope with the problem immediately. For this you should find out why your son or daughter feels compelled to be dishonest. Discuss your feelings about the importance of trust and honest communication. Try to make clear the consequences your teen will face if you catch him or her lying in the future.
Learning by Example
Don’t forget that except your teen’s peers you also have great influence upon their behavior. Remember that they see how you behave and will often model their behavior based on your actions. It is most likely if you have lied to your teen in the past, you will have some issues to deal with beyond simply setting consequences. Adult hypocrisy is the behavior that turns teens off. If children see that their parents taking short cuts that defy their fixed ethical values, they quickly absorb this information and see that what is said is not what is always done. It doesn’t mean that parents must be perfect, but you also cannot say to your son or daughter: “I can lie because I am adult, and you can’t.” Teenagers simply don’t accept that argument.
Why?
Instead of immediately starting to lecture your child about why lie is bad, try to ask him or her to explain why they thought that lying was the best solution of this situation. Try to explain that lying is unacceptable, but in case there is a reason why your teen felt compelled to lie, you want to know it so can possibly remove any misconceptions. It doesn’t mean that they might have a good reason for lying, they just might feel they had a good reason for lying.
Your child may lie about failing a test because he or she thought you would tell them they are dull. Your teen may lie about a party because they know you absolutely forbid parties. Your son or daughter may lie about a person they are dating because they know you don’t like kids from “that part of town”. If your teen has a reason for lying that might be expelled through discussion and trustful communication, you expel that “excuse” in the future.
Teens often lie simply because they knew their behavior was wrong and they didn’t want to get caught. In such case you have to let them know in very clear terms what behaviors are unacceptable and what the consequences will be.
Don’t Trick Your Teen to Catch Him or Her Lying Again
In fact, tricking your teen to catch him or her lying again isn’t the most honest method to deal with a teenager who is lying. It is, as a matter of fact, a form of dishonesty also. The best method is to use the direct approach that includes a clear set of rules and consequences. A good method to keep track is to increase temporarily the requirement that your teen “check in” with you to let you know where your son or daughter is, when he or she will be home, and who he or she is with at the time. Such increased supervision will make your teen acutely aware that if they do not earn your trust, they will not get your trust. If you begin to notice that your teen is genuinely working toward rebuilding trust, you can give him or her more personal responsibility and not require as much “checking in”.
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